So it’s finally over. The decisions are in, the choice is made, and the bumper sticker is on the car – and what a ride it has been!

Fourteen months ago, I bought a GPS (whom we named Rhonda – “Help me, Rhonda!”), got in the car and set off for a tour of Maryland, Virginia, Pennsylvania and the District of Columbia.I had books on tape, our daughter had her headphones and an AP Bio book.

Since then, we have done several more college trips: as far south as Atlanta, two swings through North Carolina, back to Pennsylvania and a trip to Massachusetts. They were wonderful trips and precious times.

Our daughter narrowed the list down, interviewed, wrote the essays, took the tests, finished the applications and applied to eight schools. Her counselor was fabulous, keeping our daughter and her mother in check. We did our taxes early, filled in the FAFSA and the PROFILE and our daughter did lots of scholarship applications. We rode out the acceptances, deferrals and rejections and waded through the financial aid offers. She went off to revisit days and overnights; we waited at home to see what would happen. Every family member, friend and acquaintance weighed in on the choice. And then, suddenly and finally, it was over.

I have been a college counselor for many years, but I learned a lot as a parent going through the process. And so here it is:

The Top Ten List of What I Learned As A Parent

10. If you are going on a college trip to places you have never been, a GPS is wonderful.
Rhonda was great and got us to where we needed to be on time. She also found Dunkin’ Donuts when we needed coffee, Chinese food when we fancied it and a gas station in the middle of nowhere. And, when I didn’t listen to her and missed the turn, she didn’t yell at me.

9. Visit, visit, visit.
No ranking, no guide book, no fancy brochure and no counselor can replace the importance of visiting a campus, particularly at the beginning of the process. The act of stepping onto a campus, listening to an Admissions Officer and doing the tour is transformative. All of a sudden, your high school junior begins to see herself taking the next giant step – going to college. It’s exciting to watch.

8. The tour guide can make or break a school.
I’ve said this before and I watched it happen again during a revisit day, the tour guide and/or host can seal the deal or transform a wonderful institution into a total dead end. Admissions offices, take note!

7. Don’t decide on schools based on the price tag.
Our family is living proof that the most expensive school ended up being the most affordable.

6. Financial Aid is important.
If financial aid is part of your decision, it is the parents’ responsibility to work on financial aid, meet the deadlines, and be informed as to the process and results. Learn how to read a financial aid offer, know what those loan terms mean, and understand that Work Study is paid directly to the student, not the Business Office. This is your college application, parents!

5. It’s not all about the testing.
Yes, testing is important, particularly when it comes to public institutions BUT there are many fine institutions in this country that look at the whole student, and make testing just a part of the application. And now there are many institutions that are test-optional. Don’t get tied up in knots about those scores!

4. Leadership and other activities count.
I tell my students that there are three parts to an application: a transcript, test scores and leadership activities. It is important to find the leader within you in high school and some kind of passion that propels you. Whether it is the yearbook, captain of your team, volunteer work, math team, Model UN or ceramics, get involved and enjoy it. Just remember, fall of the senior year is a little late …

3. You are not alone.
Whether you like it or not, everyone weighs in on the process. From Great Uncle Henry, to Cousin Janice, from your hairdresser to your colleagues at work, everyone has an opinion. One the one hand, it is wonderful to have so many people with whom to share your angst. On the other hand, sometimes we need to change the record. No-one is every allowed to ask a senior at my Thanksgiving table again, “So, where are you applying?”

2. Find a good college counselor.
We were blessed with a superb counselor who listened, counseled, gave expert advice, listened some more, counseled some more, did everything on time, called and asked questions, and managed expectations. She dealt with the highs and lows – for all of us. Find one and let him/her help you.

1. Finally, it really is all about the feel.
Our daughter did not end up at the school that we thought she would. It was a surprise until I went to pick her up from her overnight there. As she walked me around the campus, she simply looked as if she belonged there, and I asked her about it. She turned and said, “Yes, Mom, it just feels right. I love it here.” With that, we turned into the Admissions Office and wrote out the check.

And then we went and bought the sweatshirt and the bumper sticker.

About Anne Richardson:
Anne Richardson joined Kents Hill School in July of 1998, and currently serves as the Director of College Counseling and the Director of the International and ESL Programs. In addition to working as the Director of College Counseling, she was also the Academic Dean for 6 years and the Director of Communications for 5 years. Anne is also active in the New England Association of College Admissions Counseling (NEACAC), serving on the faculty and as chair (2006) of the Summer Institute from 2002-6, as Vice-President in 2007-8, and is currently serving as President-Elect of the association. Anne teaches ESL and serves as the faculty advisor to Kents Hill’s Amnesty International program.

Prior to 1998 she was Dean of Middle School Students at Hamden Hall Country Day School in Hamden, Ct. In addition to teaching English there, she also served as Director of Community Service and Director of the Summer School. Ms. Richardson earned her A.B. in English from Oberlin College and her M.A. in Liberal Studies from Wesleyan University.

Photo credit: anne.oeldorfhirsch