When I wore the dean of students hat at a boarding school in NH, I spent a good chunk of my time talking to parents about how their kids were doing and feeling.

From parents, the communication was often concern that their students weren’t listening, growing, and or assuming responsibilities as fast, or to as large an extent, as the parents desired.

My advice- much like any advice that I offer- began with “breathe.” I would then take the parent(s) through where their child stood, how the family communication was working, what they should expect from their student, ending with a reassuring conclusion that most of the behaviors and thoughts they were seeing was what they should expect.

Hyde Schools‘ admission office posted a nice primer for exasperated parents titled “Attention Parents…They’re Just Rebelling” offering their best advice for frustrated parents.

I like Hyde’s advice. Be supportive. Keep your distance; let your student garner experiences and grow; set clear boundaries; and let them know that you’re there to support them.

“…Let them know that their struggles are their own and that you believe in them and their ability to overcome. Let them know that they can ask for help anytime and that they are always accountable for their actions.

Remember that they (kids) do care.”

Hyde, and I, can’t stress enough- connect. Keep communicating.