Being rejected is hard. However the rejection is couched, whether in flowery language, or via George Clooney characters, or with brave reassurances about the competition, the climate, etc., we are ultimately being told that we are not wanted, not needed or not good enough.

It’s been happening a lot lately. With our struggling economy millions of Americans are suffering rejections through job layoffs, home foreclosures, and other forms of rejection.

It’s been happening a lot in my office, too. In my job as a college counselor, I know about rejection. At this time of year, my colleagues and I deal on a daily basis with the tears, the anger and the quiet despondency that those thin letters or terse emails convey.

What makes these rejections particularly hard is that this is often the first time that seniors have been rejected. We, as adults and parents, have done a good job protecting our children from rejection. We lobby teachers on their behalf, we make sure everyone is included, and usually everyone gets a trophy or medal or certificate on the team. And for us, this is often the first time that as parents, no matter what we do, we cannot fix the situation for them.

And the truth is, we shouldn’t and mustn’t. Unless one lives a particularly charmed life, everyone is going to be rejected some way, somehow during his/her life. Sometimes it really is because we are not good enough. And sometimes it really is that we just didn’t get picked this time around. Both reasons teach important lessons

So in the spirit of “it takes a village …” what should our collective response be to the sobbing senior, thin letter in hand, who believes that life has just come to an end?

We need to teach our students and children what do with rejection – that rejection today from one person or place does not mean a lifetime of rebuffs or that life is irrevocably ruined. Rejection is not always reasonable, and cannot always be fixed, but there are always lessons to be learned. Sometimes rejection is actually helpful, because it helps students become more realistic about their choices and their directions. And rejection makes us stronger; it teaches us resilience and fortitude – so important in today’s uneasy and uncertain world.

Finally, and this is where I share my own peculiar brand of faith and idealism, I truly believe that things – including rejections – work out for the best. As someone who, many years ago, applied to seven schools, was rejected from six and only admitted as a January admit to the seventh, my college experience turned out to be the best. My life was forever changed for the better. And I have seen this happen for students, over and over again. After the initial shock, they turn their faces back to the sun and move on, often to bigger and better opportunities.

So let’s help our seniors wipe their tears and reassure them that things will work out for the best. They will become stronger and better – and they will be accepted to college.

About Anne Richardson:

Anne Richardson joined Kents Hill School in July of 1998, and currently serves as the  Director of College Counseling and the Director of the International and ESL Programs. In addition to working as the Director of College Counseling, she was also the Academic Dean for 6 years and the Director of Communications for 5 years.  Anne is also active in the New England Association of College Admissions Counseling (NEACAC), serving on the faculty and as chair (2006) of the Summer Institute from 2002-6, as Vice-President in 2007-8, and is currently serving as President-Elect of the association. Anne teaches ESL and serves as the faculty advisor to Kents Hill’s Amnesty International program.

Prior to 1998 she was Dean of Middle School Students at Hamden Hall Country Day School in Hamden, Ct. In addition to teaching English there, she also served as Director of Community Service and Director of the Summer School. Ms. Richardson earned her A.B. in English from Oberlin College and her M.A. in Liberal Studies from Wesleyan University.

Photo credit: BierDoctor