Editor’s Note: We’re excited to feature a post by the Boarding
School Mom’s daughter. She offers her on the ground take on the
boarding school admission process.
The applications are in, and there is little you can do but bite your nails and wait. However, the endless flow of questions is not over. This time instead of what to wear to the interview, when is the interview, what should my essay be, etc., the questions are did I do everything I could have done, did I do my very best work, etc. These questions can sometimes be more mentally exhausting and more worrisome then questions about the interview or applications. Most humans like to feel in control and these questions are putting me as from the control booth as we can be. This adds to your level of anxiety.
I’m not here to give you breathing exercises or say “yes” with a little bit of magic the questions will fade and you can sleep at night once more. However, sometimes when you realize that you’re not the only one dealing with these issues; things can seem less intense or unreachable. For me the waiting has been more of an excitement than anything else. I want to know, but have not been nervous about finding out or scared about what the results will be. However as the deadline slowly approaches, I’ve become more nervous, counting down the days, and silently praying that everything will turn out right.
When the applications first go in, it’s more of a relief than anything else as you feel free for the first time in weeks and your arms can finally rest. Your worries about getting carpal tunnel syndrome disappear, and you relax for the first time since September. However, by the end of January your mind starts throwing questions of doubt at you, and you lose your relaxed feel. From there you’re simply sliding downwards. For all of February I fought these questions and tried to convince myself that I’d done my very best. I could manage to relax again during sports and at home, but school was still a tense mess. I felt like there was nothing I could do, and I was partly right. These feelings are completely natural. High school is a huge deal and going to the perfect place is something to fret over, but you can also fall back on the truth that you will be in your right place. It worked and once again I was completely relaxed just looking forward to finding out the results. Then, the nightmares and horrible thoughts started. This time however they weren’t fueled by my own over-excited imagination or my mind, but by other people.
You can’t control what people say to you, but when every person you talk to asks you if you’re nervous or if you’ve heard from schools, you start to become nervous and more edgy about finding out. The more people that asked the more anxious I became. The first time I freaked due to boarding school fears was when my report card came. At any other time, I knew it would have been excellent, but this time I was having visions of getting straight “F’s” and my teachers writing terrifying comments. This was a completely nonsensical worry, because I knew this couldn’t be true, yet in my frazzled state I’d almost managed to convince myself I was getting “F’s”. I am now worried that each letter next week will contain a rejection and am now in a feverish state about what’s going on. However, I have managed to convince myself that I did everything I could. The one thing that I’ve found hard to accept, but know is true is that getting in or getting rejected doesn’t change who you are. You are still the same great person it just means it wasn’t meant to be and who knows like my brother it could turn out to be for the better! (read first Boarding school mom blog)
To maintain privacy and confidentiality, our author writes under
the pen name “Boarding School Mom” and all family, child consultant,
and school names will be changed or omitted. You can reach AQ’s
Boarding School Mom at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Photo credit: alexanderdrachmann