We've written a fair amount about boarding school orientation- complete involvement, etc. Today, an article by Jess Zielinski of USA Today (How to survive your first college roommate) and a study out of the University of Michigan reminds us of something worth mentioning from my days as a dean of students.
I've argued- for years- to faculty and students that a primary function of high school and especially boarding school is teaching empathy- learning to put yourself and your mindset in the shoes of others. Understanding perspective and experiences beyond yourself makes possible the negotiation and compromise that are requisite parts for healthy relationships.
As I used to tell my students daily (and continue using several times weekly), "It's all about sharing and playing well with others."
Although the Michigan study looked at college students, the tenets are perfectly applicable to boarding school students.
Two select excerpts from the USA Today piece present sound advice when beginning your new journey. The Michigan study's authors (Psychologists Jennifer Crocker and Amy Canevello) suggest how best to approach your new roommate relationship(s).
"Basically, people who give support in response to another person's needs and out of concern for another person's welfare are most successful at building close relationships that they find supportive," Canevello said. "We get support, in other words, by being supportive."
Crocker says the best way to avoid loneliness and build a good roommate relationship is choosing to have an 'eco-system' approach, not an 'ego-system' one. In an 'ego-system' approach, people think most about their own needs and work to preserve a pristine version of themselves to others. In an 'eco-system' approach, folks focus on genuinely caring about and showing compassion for others."
Photo Credit: Goldberg

